The Next Show is All in the Bag

I love handbags. I love shopping. I hate handbag shopping. I can't do it online. I have to do it in store. I've got to touch the merchandise. My requirements are specific but today I tried to be open to what's in fashion. I really did. But I just can't do these open-top handbags. No zipper, no magnetic closure or no closure at all? The internal contents of your handbag all on display for anyone who wants to peek in? Nah, I think not. And as Anne Rice so aptly described in her novel "Interview with the Vampire" I realize how marked I am by my era. 

When You Want to Hug a Stranger in Dunkin Donuts

In Dunkin Donuts there was a Young Woman sitting at the table next to me. She was talking on her cell phone and upset because another girl had deliberately shoved her out-of-the-way to get on the bus. And in an I-can’t-take-it-anymore moment she shoved the girl back and they got into a fight. Tearfully she said, “This happens all the time. I don’t want to fight. This is not who I am. I’m sorry. This doesn’t happen when I’m with you. I feel safer with you.”

And How Are You Today? A Tale of Reverse Customer Service

First of all I had no business being in Macy’s, especially the 34^th Street Mothership. But I was in the neighborhood, I needed a bra, and so there I was strolling through the lingerie department like I had money and boobs.

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It’s Always the Year of the Asshole

At a recent comedy show there was a table of disruptive people. They weren’t heckling the comedians directly, just talking animatedly amongst themselves. This seemed odd since this wasn’t a random bar show. It was a fundraiser with tickets sold in advance. These people had chosen to be there and yet their incessant chatter created a distracting undercurrent of noise that lasted the entire show... 

At the Cleaners: How the Everyday Can Just Flat Out Get Away From You

I went to the cleaners the other day and as I pulled out my last item of clothing I saw a crumpled claim ticket in the bottom of the tote bag. I used to put my cleaners tickets on the refrigerator so I’d remember them, so of course I didn’t.  My refrigerator is a jumbled graveyard of baby pictures of grown people, save the date wedding invitations for divorced couples, calendars from the turn of the century, and business cards for defunct companies. I know. My refrigerator really needs to get its shit together. So I decided to put my cleaners ticket in the bottom of the bag of clothes to be taken out. Makes sense right? A good plan predicated on going to the cleaners on a fairly regular basis.

 

Bitch, Am I Boring You?

And the Search for a Therapist Continues

After our second session I fired my therapist. Two meetings are what it took for me to see we weren’t going to work out. And I’d really hoped we would.

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A Death in the Family

I found out about the death of a cousin on Facebook because that’s how we learn of these things now.

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Today is My Mom's Birthday and She's Not Happy About It

Today is my Mom’s birthday and she’s not happy about it. How can she be? She (and she is not alone in this) has succumbed to the constant subliminal and overt cultural messages that discount the value of older people in general and older women specifically.

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Don’t Hate on the Skinny Girl at the Gym

Photo by patrisyu.

Okay, we’re a few days in and you’re still up for making a good-faith effort on your New Year’s resolutions. If one of them is going to the gym, do yourself a favor. When you get there, please don’t hate on the skinny girl.

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Indignation vs. Communication

I was excited about a new bit of material I’d written because I’d only thought of it that morning; fleshed it out that day, and gotten it up on-stage that night. That’s my personal stand-up comedy trifecta. With some tweaking I think it can really be something.

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A View From the Bridge

The first straight play (non-musical) I did in college was Arthur Miller’s A View from the Bridge. That was the semester I was supposed to be taking a break from theater to focus on my studies. I only went to the audition to help out as a reader. And because I had nothing to lose I gave it my all and I got cast in lead. And so it was a wonderful surprise when my then director and former professor recently invited me to see a matinée performance of the new Broadway production of the show at The Lyceum Theater.

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Geriatric Stranger Danger

New Yorkers are not rude people. It’s just that we can get through the day without a lot of extraneous chitchat. We can communicate with each other with a quick chin lift, a head nod, and if need be, a series of simple yet eloquent hand gestures. When I first began travelling outside the City, I was baffled by the strangers who spoke to me for what seemed like no reason. ‘Good morning?’ What the hell is that supposed to mean? Is this a set up? What kind of scam are you running here?

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My First Dragon Con

My Seven Favorite Moments from The Con

I was invited to perform at my very first Dragon Con in Atlanta, Georgia. For science fiction/fantasy fans this is like being asked to suit up and be the starting quarterback for your favorite team during the Super Bowl. I am not a casual sci-fi fan. It’s my area of expertise when I co-host StarTalk with Neil de Grasse Tyson. I’ll spare you my long list of book, movie, and TV show loves. Just know that my geek runs deep, or so I thought until I got to Dragon Con.

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Mission Accomplished: Welcome to Fog-a-licious San Francisco

I’m geeked to be working in San Francisco this summer. They say its California’s version of New York, so I feel right at home in another city I can't afford to live in. Since it’s my first time in this bucket list city – I already gotchu, Minneapolis – I intend to make the most it. My first official tourist act was strolling through The Mission. Well, actually, the first Cali thing I did was go shopping at Ross. I bought an $8 dress that probably won’t last the week, but it's pretty and it made me happy.

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Bite My Shiny Metal Ass: How Futurama Changed My Life

Thanks to Netflix I’ve now watched all 10 seasons of Futurama, the science fiction animated cartoon series created by Matt Groening (Simpsons). It began in 1999 on FOX and ended in 2013 on Comedy Central. Digesting 14 years worth of an awarding-winning TV show in just a few months adds to my sci-fi street cred but it’s changed me.

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Name That Dog

When a friend group texted that she was getting a pair of dogs – golden doodles, adorable – for her daughters, we immediately began suggesting pet names. Over the course of two days (geez, maybe it was three) we all had a blast sharing possible nom de pups that I saw had cultural, musical, and generational relevance. In an example of the upside of drinking and texting we began with Barnes & Noble and ended with Simon & Schuster. Take a look at our list and see if we missed any. Feel free to add to the list and share which one you like the best.

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Hey Baby Birl

Image courtesy of stock images
at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

“Baby Girl.” That’s what James Evans, the father on Good Times, called his daughter, Thelma. Years later it’s also how Bernie Mac referred to his youngest niece on his self-titled TV show. Baby Girl is a familial term of endearment within the African-American community. In my family I’ve had many pet names including – but not limited to – Boo, Slow Poke, Madam, and She Who Must Be Obeyed 2.0.

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"Hellraiser"

Someone said, “Leighann, what’s your favorite romantic movie?” Believe it or not I’ve never been asked that before so I had to think about it for a second. My head tilted to the left, my eyes stared off into space, and my body went still. I do that sometimes when completely caught off guard. It looks like I’m processing a data download from My Mothership. “What’s my favorite romantic movie?” I was as shocked as anyone when I heard myself say, Hellraiser.

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The Middle of the Night Phone Call

One of my biggest fears is that I’ll get a Phone Call From Home in the Middle of the Night when I’m too far away to do anything about it and once again I’ll be angry that we still don’t have Star Trek transporter technology; and disgusted that we invest more time and money in restricting human movement then in facilitating it.

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A Day in the Life of a Standup Comic: Just Writing

PHOTO BY JAMARI

One day when I was waiting for the subway, a young woman with an expensive camera introduced herself as a Columbia University graduate student in its photojournalism program and asked permission to take my picture. If it was a scam – and I always think everything’s a scam – it sounded like a good one so I said, yes. When my train came and we were about to part ways I gave her my business card hoping she’d send me one of the pictures but equally sure I’d never hear from her again. But she emailed me that night and asked if I would be the subject of her day-in-the-life class project. Again, I said, yes.

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