Someone said, “Leighann, what’s your favorite
romantic movie?” Believe it or not I’ve never been asked that before so I had
to think about it for a second. My head tilted to the left, my eyes stared off
into space, and my body went still. I do that sometimes when completely caught
off guard. It looks like I’m processing a data download from My Mothership.
“What’s my favorite romantic movie?” I was as shocked as anyone when I heard
myself say, Hellraiser.
Um… what?
To the best of my conscious knowledge Hellraiser has never been classified as
a romantic movie by anyone, ever. It’s not even my favorite film. It’s actually
one of the few horror flicks that truly scare me. I couldn’t watch it for
years. Years! But it wasn’t Pin Head who put me off. I grew up in New York
City. A guy with metal pins sticking out of his head in a perfect grid pattern isn’t
scary. That’s a creative casual Friday.
The Puzzle Box terrified me. I never learned how to
solve puzzles as a kid and the longer we don’t understand something the scarier
we allow it become. The Rubik’s Cube my parents gave me only served to
exacerbate my feelings of mental inadequacy. Yeah, I’m sure there’s a trick to solving
it, but I never got the email. And so I was happy when the Rubik’s Cube crazy
faded from pop culture prominence and very relieved that my admission to college
didn’t depend on solving it. I’m okay
with The Cube being a multicolored paperweight.
Yet, it still intrigued me that my subconscious
served up Hellraiser as a romantic movie. Was it going for the joke as my conscious
mind often does? Maybe; maybe not. Perhaps
my subconscious knows me better than I give it credit for. On the surface, Hellraiser is not a romantic movie. But
it’s so much easier and fun to watch while wrapped up in the arms of someone
special where I can easily hide my face away from the scary bits in their crook
of their shoulder. And that, my friends, is romantic. Assuming said armpit of
love is clean and properly deodorized.
"But slightly more worrying than saying Hellraiser is my favorite romantic movie
is that The Mother Ship and I still have yet to think of a better answer.
Leighann Lord is a stand-up comedian, author and co-host of StarTalk with Neil deGrasse Tyson. Get her e-books on AMAZON!
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