In all my travel adventures over the past week, I completely forgot to wish everybody a happy and healthy Easter!
I guess I wasn't really in the Easter spirit since the Palm Sunday incident. What Palm Sunday incident you ask? Well let me tell you:
Every year my Mom goes to church on Palm Sunday and brings home a plethora of palms. She shares them with neighbors who are unable to go to church, and she brings me some too. (I'm able to go to Church, I just don't). We strategically place them around the house for good luck.
Not this year.
There's a new pastor in town who must be part priest, part efficiency expert. This year the palm buffet was closed. No more, "all the palms you can carry." Instead, the palms were parceled out. My Mom came home with barely a handful; a pittance. A palm paucity!
I know the church is trying to save money, but was there a big mark up on palms this year? First milk, then gas and now palms? Perhaps that's what I get for not reading the CNN news ticker.
On deeper reflection, I think this is just a shrewd plan to boost church attendance. With the demise of the palm home delivery service, I'll have to get up, go to church and get my own palms.
Nah, I'll just dust off last year's.
Thursday, March 31, 2005
Monday, March 28, 2005
Okay --- Now I'm REALLY Warm
Traveling has been an adventure since Saturday. Due to major flight delays and a detour to Beaumont, Texas to refuel the plane, I literally missed the boat (the Carnival Imagination) in Cozumel. I spent the night in Houston courtesy of Continental Airlines.
On Sunday I flew to Miami, spent the night and flew out today (Monday) to meet the Carnival Valor in Nassau. I arrived. My bag didn't. On a direct flight from Miami to Nassua, American Airlines lost my bag. Well, they didn't so much lose my bag as they decided not to put it on the plane in the first place. Some gobbledy gook about weight restrictions. I'm not heavy, but my clothes however are another story.
American Airlines can get my bag back to me at my next port. Great! Which will be Wednesday in St. Thomas. Not so great. Two days and three shows with no clothes. Can you feel my joy? This is the oh so glamorous side of traveling.
I'm not normally a vengeful woman, but this is a frequent flier's nightmare. Too bad I packed my voodoo doll in the missing bag, or there'd be a tortured and screaming bag handler in Miami.
On Sunday I flew to Miami, spent the night and flew out today (Monday) to meet the Carnival Valor in Nassau. I arrived. My bag didn't. On a direct flight from Miami to Nassua, American Airlines lost my bag. Well, they didn't so much lose my bag as they decided not to put it on the plane in the first place. Some gobbledy gook about weight restrictions. I'm not heavy, but my clothes however are another story.
American Airlines can get my bag back to me at my next port. Great! Which will be Wednesday in St. Thomas. Not so great. Two days and three shows with no clothes. Can you feel my joy? This is the oh so glamorous side of traveling.
I'm not normally a vengeful woman, but this is a frequent flier's nightmare. Too bad I packed my voodoo doll in the missing bag, or there'd be a tortured and screaming bag handler in Miami.
Friday, March 25, 2005
Don't Hate Me Because I'm Warm
Spring officially began on Sunday.
It snowed on Wednesday.
Thursday I was on a plane to the Bahamas.
A very happy coincidence. I flew down to Nassau to being another round of shows for Carnival Cruise Lines. This job definitely has it's perks.
Apparently, in the Northeast, Winter is not going out without a fight. On myway to the Comic Strip Wednesday night, I trudged through the cold, slushy streets carrying an umbrella that the wind blew inside out at least four times. And this was no $3-on-the-street special. No. This was my good umbrella. Let the wind steal my king size, push button Totes? I think not!
After that, it was a true pleasure to step off the plane in Nassau. Ahh, to be warm again. I'll take sun and warmth over cold and snow, any day. Now, if I could be warm and home at the same time. Is it Summer yet? I want Spring to take on Old Man Winter head to head and send it packing like the Ground Hog predicted.
Note to self: Fire the Ground Hog.
It snowed on Wednesday.
Thursday I was on a plane to the Bahamas.
A very happy coincidence. I flew down to Nassau to being another round of shows for Carnival Cruise Lines. This job definitely has it's perks.
Apparently, in the Northeast, Winter is not going out without a fight. On myway to the Comic Strip Wednesday night, I trudged through the cold, slushy streets carrying an umbrella that the wind blew inside out at least four times. And this was no $3-on-the-street special. No. This was my good umbrella. Let the wind steal my king size, push button Totes? I think not!
After that, it was a true pleasure to step off the plane in Nassau. Ahh, to be warm again. I'll take sun and warmth over cold and snow, any day. Now, if I could be warm and home at the same time. Is it Summer yet? I want Spring to take on Old Man Winter head to head and send it packing like the Ground Hog predicted.
Note to self: Fire the Ground Hog.
*******
Tuesday, March 22, 2005
Great Fan E-mail!
I caught your "doctors and prescriptions" routine on XM radio and when you started talking about having your eyebrows waxed ... I was laughing so hard I almost passed out while driving the car. This was the funniest routine ever, topping even the three greats: Eddie Murphy, Sam Kinison and George Carlin. You are really fantastic.
Saturday, March 19, 2005
Monday, March 14, 2005
Medusa Gets Her Brows Done
I joke in my act that the first time I ever got my eye brows waxed it felt like a lobotomy. Sad to say, but brow waxing has become a ritual that I willingly submit to about once a month. No irony there. Somehow I’ve been sold on the fact that well maintained eye brows frame my face better and make me look good. Vanity is an exacting task master.
When I showed up last Thursday for my brow appointment my regular lady, Arlene, wasn’t there. It seems that she had quit just the week before. The spa rescheduled me with Halina, a petite woman with a heavy Eastern European accent, but said I could cancel if I wanted. What I wanted was Arlene, but I took the appointment with Halina. If I waited another week my eyebrows would look like the Amazon Rain Forest.
Well, when Miss Halina introduced herself to me and shook my hand, she exclaimed for all the world, "Oh my god, you need a hand treatment." Not a good start, Halina. Not a good start at all. But rest assured, sports fans, it gets better.As she’s doing my brows she says, "Dah’ling, you really need a facial." Now to be honest, I haven’t had a facial in while, but when I walk into a spa I’m not paying for blunt honesty. I’m paying for, "Wow you look great, here’s how we can make you look even better."
At one point Halina stops doing my brows all together so she can slather some cream onto my lips. Apparently she found the barren, arid wasteland above my chin way too distracting.At the end of the appointment, she earnestly grasped my sand paper like hands in hers and said, "Dah’ling, you’re going to need a better moisturizer or you’re going to age." I didn’t have the heart to tell her that we all age, whether we moisturize or not. Oil of Olay is great, but they don’t have anything in their existing product line that literally stops time. If they did, I’m sure I would have seen it on an episode of Star Trek.
When I left the house that day, I honestly thought I looked okay. Eye brows not with standing, I’m still a reasonably attractive woman in her prime. But after seeing Halina, I felt like a dried up hag. I began to wonder how I could have thoughtlessly inflicted my horrible visage upon the unsuspecting masses. I hope I didn’t inadvertently turn anyone to stone as I slithered to my appointment.
The pity of it is, Halina did a great job on my brows, but it’s clear she missed her calling. I’m thinking insurance salesman. "Dah’ling if you die without a policy, your family will hate you." Of course, I’ll never go back to Halina, unless I’m having one of those rare days with too much self esteem. Maybe I do look like hell, Dah’ling, but at least Arlene had the good grace not to tell me.
When I showed up last Thursday for my brow appointment my regular lady, Arlene, wasn’t there. It seems that she had quit just the week before. The spa rescheduled me with Halina, a petite woman with a heavy Eastern European accent, but said I could cancel if I wanted. What I wanted was Arlene, but I took the appointment with Halina. If I waited another week my eyebrows would look like the Amazon Rain Forest.
Well, when Miss Halina introduced herself to me and shook my hand, she exclaimed for all the world, "Oh my god, you need a hand treatment." Not a good start, Halina. Not a good start at all. But rest assured, sports fans, it gets better.As she’s doing my brows she says, "Dah’ling, you really need a facial." Now to be honest, I haven’t had a facial in while, but when I walk into a spa I’m not paying for blunt honesty. I’m paying for, "Wow you look great, here’s how we can make you look even better."
At one point Halina stops doing my brows all together so she can slather some cream onto my lips. Apparently she found the barren, arid wasteland above my chin way too distracting.At the end of the appointment, she earnestly grasped my sand paper like hands in hers and said, "Dah’ling, you’re going to need a better moisturizer or you’re going to age." I didn’t have the heart to tell her that we all age, whether we moisturize or not. Oil of Olay is great, but they don’t have anything in their existing product line that literally stops time. If they did, I’m sure I would have seen it on an episode of Star Trek.
When I left the house that day, I honestly thought I looked okay. Eye brows not with standing, I’m still a reasonably attractive woman in her prime. But after seeing Halina, I felt like a dried up hag. I began to wonder how I could have thoughtlessly inflicted my horrible visage upon the unsuspecting masses. I hope I didn’t inadvertently turn anyone to stone as I slithered to my appointment.
The pity of it is, Halina did a great job on my brows, but it’s clear she missed her calling. I’m thinking insurance salesman. "Dah’ling if you die without a policy, your family will hate you." Of course, I’ll never go back to Halina, unless I’m having one of those rare days with too much self esteem. Maybe I do look like hell, Dah’ling, but at least Arlene had the good grace not to tell me.
**************
Saturday, March 12, 2005
Michael Jackson in His Jammies
So, Michael Jackson showed up in court on Friday in his pajamas. That’s the smartest thing he’s done so far. If you’re gonna be in court for a while, you mind as well be comfortable.
Thursday, March 10, 2005
The Key Still Works in Savannah!
This past Wednesday found me in one of my favorite cities, Savannah, GA. I’ve performed in Savannah many times, and on one trip was presented with a key to the city. Thankfully they haven’t changed the locks!
On this visit I performed once again at Armstrong Atlantic State University. I first performed at Armstrong many years ago; vanity prevents me from remembering exactly how many. Back then, Armstrong was a two year school. The show was held at noon in the cafeteria, and I performed for a group of predominantly male students who, I think, were hoping for a different show. Many of them seemed deeply confused that a woman was standing in front of them, fully clothed.
Armstrong is now a full four-year university, with a 70% female student population. The early evening show had a very enthusiastic and receptive audience. All of us enjoyed ourselves! Afterwards we (me and members of the Campus Activities Board) dined sumptuously at The Outback Steakhouse!
Bonus: After the show, I met a woman who had first seen me perform at the now closed Comedy House in Savannah six years ago on her 18th birthday! When she found out – from her younger sister, and Armstrong’s Student Government President – that I would be performing at the school, she decided she had to come and see me again! How cool is that?
Nice to know the key to the city still works.
On this visit I performed once again at Armstrong Atlantic State University. I first performed at Armstrong many years ago; vanity prevents me from remembering exactly how many. Back then, Armstrong was a two year school. The show was held at noon in the cafeteria, and I performed for a group of predominantly male students who, I think, were hoping for a different show. Many of them seemed deeply confused that a woman was standing in front of them, fully clothed.
Armstrong is now a full four-year university, with a 70% female student population. The early evening show had a very enthusiastic and receptive audience. All of us enjoyed ourselves! Afterwards we (me and members of the Campus Activities Board) dined sumptuously at The Outback Steakhouse!
Bonus: After the show, I met a woman who had first seen me perform at the now closed Comedy House in Savannah six years ago on her 18th birthday! When she found out – from her younger sister, and Armstrong’s Student Government President – that I would be performing at the school, she decided she had to come and see me again! How cool is that?
Nice to know the key to the city still works.
Tuesday, March 8, 2005
Comedy's Angels
Photo by Seth Wenig
Comedy's Angels: Ellen Lloyd, Leighann Lord and Karith Foster
This picture was taken during a photo shoot for an article about women in comedy for the debut print edition of Two Drink Minimum Magazine. Although this photo didn't make it into the mag, the photographer was kind enought to pass it along to me after a small amount of whining and pouting. THANK YOU SETH! Too see more of Seth's work go to www.sethwenigphotography.com!
More Talent in the Family
Hey Cats & Kittens!
Guess who’s got a musician in the family? That’s right! My cousin Jason has been profiled in the online music magazine Bass Player. If you scroll down to the end of the profile, there are two links that will let you let you hear his work!
Okay I'll stop braggin' now! : - ))))))))
Guess who’s got a musician in the family? That’s right! My cousin Jason has been profiled in the online music magazine Bass Player. If you scroll down to the end of the profile, there are two links that will let you let you hear his work!
Okay I'll stop braggin' now! : - ))))))))
Sunday, March 6, 2005
Big Ups to Birmingham!
Opening for Zooman (pictured bottom left), I was not the main event, but they sure made me feel like it! And I have to say the gift basket of candles, candy and cookies was MUCH appreciated!
Thursday, March 3, 2005
The First Ladies of Comedy
Pictured left to right: Edith (Reno's Pup), Reno, Vijai Nathan, Karith Foster, Me (Leighann Lord) and Dina Pearlman.
Last night I had the honor of performing at the prestigious Lucille Lortel Theatre for Woodhull's Ethical Women's Comedy Night. It's always a blast to get to work with friends! Smart comics, smart audience. Who could ask for more?
Wednesday, March 2, 2005
Return to the High Seas
After a six month hiatus (how much sun and sea can one person enjoy) I've just done my first cruise ship of 2005. Flying out of New York, a few hours ahead of a snow storm, I joined the Carnival Celebration in Key West and did THREE shows in one night!
An extra bonus for me was working again with Risa Barnes, Carnival's only female Cruise Director. The big guy in the middle of the picture wearing the cowboy hat is, of course, Assistant Cruise Director Big Tex.
The respite from the cold and snow was brief. I left the ship in Nassau the next day to fly back to New York; my long johns packed neatly next to my tank tops. Sigh.
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