The Best Urban Erma Posts of 2013!

Dear Urban Erma Fans, 

Thank you so much for reading, enjoying, commenting, and sharing my posts this year. It was hard to choose, but here are my favorites. I hope they're yours too. Have a happy, healthy and prosperous 2014. - Leighann Lord (The Urban Erma).

1. Sorta Senior Moments: BLOG | PODCAST |VIDEO
2. The Library It's Not Just Books BLOG | PODCAST | VIDEO
3. Dresser Drawer Time Machine BLOG | PODCAST
4. Little Miss, Young Miss, Old Miss BLOG | PODCAST
5. Make Time to Waste Time BLOG | PODCAST
6. Real-Life Math Problem BLOG | PODCAST
7. Happy Black Men BLOG | PODCAST
8. Rob Base is Not Dead BLOG | PODCAST | VIDEO
9. Hi Tech Huxtables BLOG | PODCAST |
10. Going Green and Seeing Red BLOG | PODCAST | VIDEO
11. Borg Going to Budget BLOG | PODCAST
12. My Bank, The Vendor and Me BLOG | PODCAST

The Urban Erma, the longest running column on StageTimeMagazine.com, was created and written by stand-up comedian Leighann Lord. Listen to the podcast on iTunes and Stitcher Radio. Watch the video edition on YouTube.com. If you enjoy The Urban Erma please leave a comment, Like it on Facebook, follow on Twitter, And share it with your friends. (Share it with people who are not your friends and maybe they will be.) TheUrbanErma@gmail.com Get her free e-books of The Great Spanx Experiment and Sometimes I Wish Facebook Had a Hate Button. 

Fine Ass Forehead – A Different Kind of Beautiful Mind

PHOTO BY BURT SMOOTH

Last night a man said to me, “You have a very beautiful forehead.” Those words in that combination were so unexpected that I wasn’t sure how to respond. I mean, what could I say but thank you? I should’ve been mildly uncomfortable as the man stood there recklessly eyeballing my frontal lobe and trying to explain the context for his remark. Admittedly inebriated, he told me about a study that correlated the shape of a woman’s forehead with her fertility. Well that makes sense. And it explains all the imaginary children I have; three daughters and one son. Besides, you know what they say: big head, big womb.

LISTEN AND ENJOY THE PODCAST

Childhood in a Bag, A Not So Trivial Pursuit*

* Republished from The Urban Erma, March 2011

A close friend recently hosted a “Game Night” and all of us who attended were charged with bringing our favorites. Rising to the challenge, I brought a goodie bag full of old school: dominoes, cloth and wire jump ropes for Double Dutch, and a sack full of classic metal jacks. You heard me. Jacks! Yeah, I took it there. You can’t get metal jacks anymore. You see, now we care about children choking on small metal objects, in my generation not so much. I’m not saying parents ate their young back then, but they didn’t see the need to over protect us from toys made with lead, asbestos, mercury, or depleted uranium.

ENJOY THE PODCAST

Subscribe to The Urban Erma on ITUNES

Taken for a Ride

Image courtesy of Damian Brandon/
FreeDigitalPhotos.net

The Big Named Car Service That Advertises on TV that I normally use recently doubled their price for a trip to the airport so I called The Small Local Neighborhood Car Service instead. Spoiler alert: It was a mistake.

LISTEN HERE! 

http://theurbanerma.podbean.com/2013/11/20/taken-for-a-ride/

Brazilian Wax On, Wax Off

Image courtesy of FreeDigitalPhotos.net.

A popular joke in my act is about my first-ever Brazilian wax being done by A Very Angry Russian Woman who – as she’s ripping off the strips of cloth and my dignity – says to me: “In my country, I was gynecologist.” She didn’t really say that but humor is born out of pain. And getting a Brazilian wax was an excruciating and yet instructive experience.

ENJOY THE PODCAST

My Bank, The Vendor, and Me

Image courtesy of Stuart Miles
FreeDigitalPhotos.net

I toyed with naming names but The Who isn’t as important as The What: piss poor customer service from corporations that should know better. But for clarity let’s call the relevant players My Bank, The Vendor, and Me. I paid a bill online but due to a website error I was double billed. I contacted My Bank and they said there was nothing they could do. An electronic payment is not like a check. You can’t request a stop payment. Once the funds are approved it’s out of their hands. I called The Vendor and they said there was nothing they could do either, because they did not yet “see” the money in their system and most likely wouldn’t for up to 72 hours. And poof just like that over $1,000 of my money was gone off into the ether. 

LISTEN  & ENJOY THE PODCAST