Have Wine Glass, Will Travel

Photo by Jen Tucker ‏@authorjentucke

I was a first-time faculty member at this year’s Erma Bombeck Writers’ Workshop (EBWW) and I left with a respectable amount of swag: tee shirt, tote bag, and my personal fav, the commemorative wine glass. Let it not be said that the EBWW doesn’t know its audience: Women who write, love wine; and lots of it.  At the Thursday night dinner, the wine glasses had been delicately imprinted with “Erma Bombeck Writers’ Workshop.” Every woman in the room said to herself or one of her tablemates, “Oh, I am so stealing this.”

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But we didn’t have to. An announcement was made that the glasses were ours to keep. And there was a round of applause to go with our first round. But this was slightly disappointing since figuring out how to squeeze a wine glass into an evening clutch is half the fun. Figuring out how to get it home in my suitcase, not so much.

Me, who attempts to plan for every contingency, didn’t have a spare sheet of bubble wrap and a box squirreled away in the corner of my bag. But even if I did I was afraid that no matter how carefully I wrapped and positioned this delicate keepsake in my suitcase it would arrive home broken. And so, there I was strolling through the Dayton airport, plane ticket in one hand, wine glass in the other. And it wasn’t even noon.

A few people at the airport looked at me approvingly like, “Yeah! Have wine glass, will travel!” And others looked at me with pity as if to say, “Seriously? You really need to get your life together.”

If I had been going straight home on a direct flight I might have braved the collective looks of derisive admiration, but I was going to be on two connecting flights to another gig. Ultimately I just wanted to get the glass home in tact.

I went into the CNBC store just outside of security and asked if I could have a small plastic bag. I figured something was better than nothing. The cashier looked at my wine glass and said, “Oh that’s beautiful. You need to wrap that.” She reached under her register and produced tissue paper and tape, wrapped and double bagged it for me like Christmas elf! I was very delighted and grateful.

I joined the TSA line with my concealed wine-ware. And I didn’t feel like such a wandering lush but I also didn’t feel as cool.  I now see the appeal of the flask.  Perhaps they’ll be giving those away at the next conference.  Hint-hint.

The Urban Erma, the longest running column on StageTimeMagazine.com, was created and written by stand-up comedian Leighann Lord. Listen to the podcast on iTunes and Stitcher Radio. Watch the video edition on YouTube.com. If you enjoy The Urban Erma please leave a comment, Like it on Facebook, follow on Twitter, And share it with your friends. (Share it with people who are not your friends and maybe they will be.) TheUrbanErma@gmail.com Get her free e-books of The Great Spanx Experiment and Sometimes I Wish Facebook Had a Hate Button.