Thursday, June 7, 2007

A Kiddie Fashion Show

I'm Too Sexy For A Nap

I emceed a children's fashion show, 40 children ranging in age from five to seven. Doting parents and relatives are willing to pay to see their kids do almost anything. Watching them awkwardly shuffle across the stage in a series of store bought outfits: priceless.

As to be expected the girls outnumbered the boys, four to one. The boys looked confused as to what they were supposed to do and why. The dads in the audience seemed uncomfortable as well; as if being in a fashion show called their sons' masculinity – and by extension their own – into question.

Almost all of the boys quickly and mechanically stomped across the stage in a rush to get it over with. But it seemed that the more awkward the boys were, the happier their respective fathers; happy that their sons were not excelling in at such a "female" activity.

There was one boy, however, who modeled very well. He gracefully glided across the stage, hitting his poses and soaking up the applause. The not so subtle glances between the men in room seemed to confirm that, for them, this was clear evidence of homosexuality. They looked at the boy’s father with a mixture of sympathy and relief as if to say, "Sorry man, better luck next time."

There was one little girl who stood out too, like a little Jon Bennet Ramsey in the making. With expertly applied makeup this baby diva strutted across the school auditorium stage in kitten heels, switching non existent hips like she was on the Baby Phat cat walk during fashion week. "I'm too sexy for a nap."

At best, her mom has allowed her to stay up watching "America's Next Top Model." At worst, she was demonstrating moves she learned while watching rap music videos. Either way, don’t kids have bed time anymore?

I don’t know. Maybe I’m over thinking it. At the end of the day, the school raised money, the parents took pictures, and the kids have learned the importance of wearing clothes.

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