Okay, let me start by saying that I was wrong. I
was wrong because I had pulled over into a bus stop. I didn’t want to but it
was the only clear space on the block (on any block) since un-melted mounds of
snow take up a lot of room. But I was lost and before I drove any further I
wanted to make a phone call to verify the address of where I was going, and get
my bearings.
Thursday, February 20, 2014
Tuesday, February 11, 2014
Crazy Bitches Hate Jellybeans
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| PHOTO BY LEIGHANN LORD |
While my aging and ailing Honda Civic is in the
shop getting some impromptu but very necessary repairs I had to rent a car. At
30 minutes to closing I took what was left on the lot, which happened to be an
adorable, red Fiat 500 Sport. With an aversion to calling things by a number
instead of a name – that perhaps hails back to Star Trek Voyager’s character, Seven of Nine – I’ve taken to
calling my Fiat 500, Jellybean. With a car this tiny, food shopping at Costco
is out. However, from a parking perspective, Jellybean is perfect for New York
City. But not everybody is a fan.
Tuesday, February 4, 2014
I Needed A Box
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| Image courtesy of Gualberto 107 / FreeDigitalPhotos.net |
Empty boxes are like the police. You never have one
when you need it.
I needed a box but I didn’t want one. I knew where
to get it though, so off I went to my local Staples; aisle eight, on the left. When
I caught sight of the boxes I felt the prickle of tears and I slowed down. But it
wasn’t slow enough to keep me from getting there. I had no idea what size I
needed so I picked a large because he had a lot of stuff. And I stood there for
a while in the aisle just holding the box, wishing I didn’t need it.
Tuesday, January 21, 2014
This Is Not My Father's Bowling Alley
A
friend invited me to go bowling and I didn’t just say “no,” I said, “Hells
no!" You know it’s serious when you add the “s.” Why such a vehement
reaction? Is it the inherently unsanitary nature of the game? You’d think so,
but for some reason my Inner Neat Freak is not disturbed by the idea of
sticking my digits into those dark, germy holes or slipping my feet into shoes
that other people have been wearing for decades. For me, it’s a childhood
thing. No, I wasn’t beaten with a bowling ball or abandoned in a bowling alley.
The problem is my Dad was a fantastic bowler. And when I say fantastic, I mean
great, amazing, could’ve gone pro. My Dad went to bowling tournaments and won
trophies. When he stopped bowling, he continued to coach and became a league
official. That’s a lot to live up to.
Tuesday, January 7, 2014
Bad Dog, No Turkey *
*Our Dear Rolie passed away on January 2, 2014, from old age and kidney failure. If love could have kept him alive, he would be immortal. We adopted him in 2006 when he was about five to seven-years old. I'm reposting a story I wrote about him back in 2008. Please enjoy, comment, and share. - LeighannDog is God spelled backwards, and like God my Cocker Spaniel has many names. His given name is Rolie, but his nicknames include Mr. Nubbins, The Mister, The Spaniel, The Carpet Weasel and, of course, His Lordship. Ironically, he answers to none of these since he's mostly deaf. My Little Old Man is about eight-years old, set in his ways, and not about to change. I, as the supposedly superior and adaptable human, have had to adjust to his habits and temperament.
Monday, December 23, 2013
The Best Urban Erma Posts of 2013!
Dear Urban Erma Fans,
Thank you so much for reading, enjoying, commenting, and sharing my posts this year. It was hard to choose, but here are my favorites. I hope they're yours too. Have a happy, healthy and prosperous 2014. - Leighann Lord (The Urban Erma).
- Sorta Senior Moments: BLOG | PODCAST |VIDEO
- The Library It's Not Just Books BLOG | PODCAST | VIDEO
- Dresser Drawer Time Machine BLOG | PODCAST
- Little Miss, Young Miss, Old Miss BLOG | PODCAST
- Make Time to Waste Time BLOG | PODCAST
- Real-Life Math Problem BLOG | PODCAST
- Happy Black Men BLOG | PODCAST
- Rob Base is Not Dead BLOG | PODCAST | VIDEO
- Hi Tech Huxtables BLOG | PODCAST |
- Going Green and Seeing Red BLOG | PODCAST | VIDEO
- Borg Going to Budget BLOG | PODCAST
- My Bank, The Vendor and Me BLOG | PODCAST
The Urban Erma, the longest running column on StageTimeMagazine.com, was created and written by stand-up comedian Leighann Lord. Listen to the podcast on iTunes and Stitcher Radio. Watch the video edition on YouTube.com. If you enjoy The Urban Erma please leave a comment, Like it on Facebook, follow on Twitter, And share it with your friends. (Share it with people who are not your friends and maybe they will be.) TheUrbanErma@gmail.com Get her free e-books of The Great Spanx Experiment and Sometimes I Wish Facebook Had a Hate Button.
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